Cover of The Other Side of This: The Messy Truth About Grief For Teens, by Robert DelFave. A boy sits at an airport window watching a plane.

The book

The Other Side of This

The messy truth about grief for teens, and a way in for the adults trying to help.

A candid book for teenagers who have lost someone and cannot find language for what life after loss actually feels like.

Get the book on Amazon Free discussion guide

Recommended by the Eluna Resource CenterAlso on its lists Grief Books for Teens Ages 13-17 and Grieving the Loss of a Parent.

This is not a book of quick fixes.

I was fourteen when my dad died. For years, I kept moving forward without fully understanding what that loss had changed.

What I needed was not another explanation of the stages of grief. I needed honest language for the anger, confusion, loneliness, relief, love, and ordinary moments that followed.

The Other Side of This is the book I wish someone had given me then: one that acknowledges how messy grief can be without treating a grieving teenager like a problem to solve.

Seven chapters. Honest language. No shortcuts.

Who it’s written for

Written for grieving teens and the adults trying to support them.

  • Teenagers navigating lossFor young people who feel alone, misunderstood, different from everyone around them, or unable to explain what grief is doing in their lives.
  • Parents and caregiversFor adults who want a bridge into conversations that can be difficult to begin.Free guide: What a Grieving Teenager Actually Needs From You →
  • Counselors and educatorsFor professionals looking for honest, accessible language and reflection prompts they can use when supporting grieving young people.

Inside the book

Seven chapters about the parts of grief people rarely discuss.

  1. Chapter 01

    The Day Everything Changed

    Shock, memory, and the last ordinary moments before life became different.

  2. Chapter 02

    All the Feelings You're Not Supposed to Talk About

    Anger, jealousy, relief, laughter, longing, and the emotions that do not fit other people’s expectations.

  3. Chapter 03

    Nobody's Normal

    Returning to school, wearing the “I’m fine” mask, and recognizing what people may be carrying beneath the surface.

  4. Chapter 04

    Finding Your People

    Friendship, connection, and the difference between someone understanding your grief and someone giving you room to be yourself.

  5. Chapter 05

    Where Is Home

    How loss can change family, safety, identity, and the places that once felt familiar.

  6. Chapter 06

    The Things We Keep

    The objects, sounds, smells, and memories through which we continue carrying someone with us.

  7. Chapter 07

    The Other Side of This

    Not a finish line or a life without grief—a full, ordinary life in which grief is carried differently.

Also inside

Every chapter includes a reflection exercise. It is not homework and there are no right answers—just a place to do something with what you have read when you are ready.

What readers are saying

  • “The Other Side of This is honest, thoughtful, and deeply compassionate. It's the kind of book I wish more young people had access to after experiencing loss, and I have no doubt it will find the readers who need it most.”

    Angie HawkinsThe Inner Glow Coach and Author of Running in Slippers

  • “The adult version finds the words the teenager could not, giving language to grief that so many young people struggle to express.”

    Zulma B. Williams, CSWPsychotherapist

For the adults

How to help a grieving teen who lost a parent

I was 14 when my dad died, and my grandparents finished raising me. Nobody asked me that then: “What do you need right now?”

If you were that teen once, this may help: how losing a parent young can show up in adulthood.

Ask what they need right now.

Not “what stage are you in?” Not “have you tried journaling?” Simply, “What do you need?” Right now. In this moment.

What to say, and what to stop saying.

What didn’t help me at 14 was adults saying “you’re so strong,” or something like it. What you see on the outside isn’t what it looks like on the inside.

The free parent guide below includes conversation examples you can borrow.

Expect “I’m fine,” and stay anyway.

Chapter 03, “Nobody’s Normal,” is about going back to school and wearing the “I’m fine” mask. Expect to hear “I’m fine.” It doesn’t mean they want you to leave.

The parent guide has ideas for how to respond when “I’m fine” is all they want to say.

Keep showing up later.

Anniversaries, birthdays, the second year. The weeks and months after a loss matter most, and the hard dates keep coming after everyone else has gone back to normal.

Grief can also hit years later, so keep checking in. If you lead a school or a group, I give a talk on this: What Teens Wish Adults Understood About Grief.

Hand them the book without making it homework.

Offer The Other Side of This without turning it into an assignment. The free Guide for Parents and Caring Adults has optional questions and activities for each chapter, plus guidance on respecting privacy and letting a conversation end without forcing more.

Download the Parent GuideFree PDF · 7 pages · No email address required

Hear it instead

On Unparented: “Your Teen Lost a Parent. What Do They Need From You Now?” (Oct 19, 2026 · 17 min). In this solo episode, I talk to the surviving parent about what a grieving teenager might actually need from you.

You may need support too

Supporting a grieving teenager can bring up your own loss. If you lost a parent young too, start with a free 45-minute conversation, with no pressure to sign up for anything. Coaching is for adults 18 and older.

Book a free 45-minute Grief Map Session

From the author

I wrote the book I needed when I was fourteen.

After my dad died, I found myself trying to understand what life was supposed to look like now.

I did not need someone to ask what stage of grief I was in. I needed someone willing to sit beside me and ask, “What do you need right now?”

Nobody asked me that then. This book is my way of asking grieving teenagers now.

It does not promise to make grief disappear. It offers recognition, honest language, and a reminder that loss can remain part of your story without becoming the end of it.

The book is available now.

If you are a grieving teenager—or an adult supporting one—The Other Side of This was written for you.

Get your copy Ask about bulk copies

Schools, hospices, churches, counseling practices, and youth programs may inquire about bulk copies.

It doesn’t matter how long ago.

This book is for teenagers. If you’re an adult still carrying the loss of a parent, Unparented is for you.

How early loss can show up later →

Questions people ask

Who is the book for?

It’s written for teenagers. The adults supporting them can read it alongside them, using the free discussion guide.

Is it only for losing a parent?

No. It’s written for teenagers who have lost someone, and for the adults supporting them.

Can schools order bulk copies?

Yes. Schools, hospices, churches, counseling practices, and youth programs can ask about bulk copies.